Hello,

What do you think about the gift of singleness?  How do you know if you have it?  Can you have it for a while, and then get married at some point?  What is the purpose of this gift?

Forums Admin

I don't think just because something feels bad that it's a punishment. Conversely, if it feels good, neither is it a reward.

Feelings are not what we base faith on, so in the case of being single, I don't think what we feel will be a great guide.

The thing we must do is figure out if we are actually reading the Bible like we could, or praying like we could, or witnessing like we could.

Yeah, but like you said. Singleness don't always feel so great.  I also have the same question, "How do you know if God wants you to be single?"

Let's just focus on the first part of the sentence..  "How do you know (delete "if") God..."

I think to know God's will, we must know Him more. Like I said, read the Bible more, it's amazing what power and peace I find when going back to God's Word after not doing it for awhile. The same goes for praying and witnessing.  Aye, getting some preaching at church helps. For some people, preaching is all they ever hear of the Bible, but we should all do our own personal studies.. even married people need to do it alone as well, I think.

Anyways, my thoughts...

1catlover, I agree with everything you said. It is so true.
I love being single. I am for what God wants me to do !

I personally believe singleness can be a gift in many ways.  

I also believe that like the gift of marriage, it can be temporary.   A person may live a wonderful life as a single person, marry, be a great spouse and parent and then due to death be alone again (single).  

hi..
as being much younger than most of you here (looking at the posts) you would think that i have given up and it's not time yet to embrace singlness...to tell the truth i find it a burden because i have to face bad people at work, and people that instead of thanking me for trying to give them a good example they slap me in the face (in the sence of not talking  to me anymore out of that reason because they think i hinder them in their every day lives) i'm not a saint but more to the otherwise... i am a person who stand for his rights and did speak hard words to the person so that he can understand the guilt of having hurt my feelings..because his sudden decision of not talking to me was rather a slap on my face..., whati mean is single life is not an easy life, because you have to face people who are not your family members, people who you don't know their character, and maybe you can never befriend them or they never befriend you because they think you are not good for them..so we sometimes haveto avoid such people , because they will make our health getting worse if we talk to them...(that's the way i feel when i talk to them) ok maybe i'm blabbing i'm supposed to talk about singleness but i got into something more deeper but that hast to do with this issue since most people (women i mean) that work are those who remain single..otherwise my life as a single is great because i have more free time, like i can spend time on my internet to make more friends or meet my friends in the evening, but i don't miss my mass..although i have decreased my praying time becausei  find it like a daily routine...which i know i cannot do that but i feel if i haven't confessed yet (andi need time sometimes for that)..i want to pray more after i have done confession...ok here maybe i need some advice.., on websites it is said that the people who have more responsabilties (or should have) about their 'story' in their life are those who are single? but i think also marrieds and singles must equally do things for God's purpose? so all are held accountable for anything done in the opposite right? ok write back

Forums Admin wrote on 02/19/05 at 23:20:24:


hi here's what I think of it personally.

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I think you usually know if you have it I know people who have it and it's this settled confidence to the point where you can say without a doubt "I have the gift of celibacy". This was Paul's attitude as well.

Your desires change.... you have 0 desire to be with someone because you are so consumed with a desire to do things for God that can't be done when your married. I think it's safe to say that people with the gift also do not struggle with sexual thoughts. Like I said their desires change. It's almost a supernatural work

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I think that's fair to say I had a friend in college who had the gift very strongly.... I recently got in contact with her after not seeing her for a long time and she's now engaged   So yeah.... I don't believe it has to be an all or nothing. I believe with anything God does he molds and shapes us to fit the situation.... this is no exception

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according to the scriptures it's to free one up to serve God better. Which is a pretty fair defenition I say. I don't think someone who has a strong desire to marry and has had alot of bad luck has the gift. Because that's not being "freed up". Your still very much pinned down by those desires. Jesus gave 3 reasons for singleness. The first one was cultural..... It was Eunuch. the second one and third ones can apply to today. The second reason he states is that it's just the way people are sometimes. Some people are just not chosen.... the third reason he gives is the gift of celibacy. So it's like this..... if your single and you have had a long wait and desire marriage. You don't have the gift

I don't think that being single is a gift. The cons of being single include:  
- less respect in church
- less credibility when working with teenagers
- higher cost of living
- less places to socialise
- higher stress

I appreciate that some people would prefer to stay single. I used to work with a Christian lady who said that she wanted to remain single so that she could pursue her cause of helping children. Although she beleived that this was God's will, deep down, she seemed unhappy, as if she'd given up on forming a special relationship with a boyfriend/ husband.  

I agree that some people are more suited to the single lifestyle (e.g. Paul was, within his risky circumstances). Though, this is much more the exeption than the rule. That's why God created a woman for Adam.

God Bless Simon

As far as being a gift from God, I believe the gifting comes when a single person's given the strength & grace to live the single life with peace & the calm assurance that she's living as God wants her to live (I use the feminine words because I'm a woman, but this applies to men, too). Not everyone marries - that's a fact that none of us can deny. It's definitely true, too, that God enables some people in a very special way to remain single. I know a man who has absolutely no desire for marriage or any part of the act that would truly bond him with a woman. He's perfectly content to serve God in career ministry, & he's been used mightily by God.

I also know many singles, or people who, 'til very recently, were single, who're miserable, & I think a huge part of it is that they're focusing far too much on what they don't have but want instead of the blessings that are already in their lives. There's so much more to life than being married & having a family. As Paul said, being single frees a person up for greater service & for focusing on one's relationship in a different way. That's what I want.

God is good, & He never gives us more than we can handle. He's proven this to me over & over in my own life through many different situations, &, 'til a few years ago, my singleness was one of them. Now, though, I'm fully at peace & content in my singleness, & I'm thankful for blessings I have in it.

The best place to be, single or not, is to be in the centre of God's will & to rest in Him & in His peace. I know that it's not an easy place to get to, & it's not easy, but then we weren't promised an easy life. Still, there is joy in each & every day, & when I realised this & that God's allowed me to remain single for a reason - what a relief!

Man! I feel as if I'm babbling. Sometimes I do go on  a bit, but I do hope I'm somewhat clear in what I'm trying to say.  Coming to the place I'm in was only after years of struggle, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.